Coronation Chicken Recipe for the Royal Wedding

I know it's corny but here is a recipe for easy Coronation chicken which I am making today, the day of the royal wedding of Prince William & Kate Middleton.


Quick and easy - you'll never go to the sandwich shop again. This recipe has a decidedly citrus twist, but feel free to embellish however you'd like - add sultanas, peppers, pineapple, nuts, spring onion, etc.

Ingredients
100g (4 oz) mayonnaise
75g (3 oz) mango chutney
1 teaspoon curry powder
1 dessertspoon lime zest
4 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
500g (1 1/4 lb) skinless, boneless chicken breast fillets - cooked and diced

Preparation method
1. In a large bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, chutney, curry powder, lime zest, lime juice and salt. Add chicken and toss with the dressing until well coated. Cover and refrigerate until serving.

Tip:
Use half mayonnaise, half crème fraîche for a lower fat version of this recipe.

Source: All Recipes

Top 10 Bad Things That Are Good For You

Article by Heather Whipps / Source: Live Science and Mind Power News

Beer quells heart disease and chocolate staves off cancer? Though often tagged with a disclaimer, studies that tell us to eat, inhale and generally indulge in "bad stuff" is music to our ears. So go ahead and enjoy these bad-for-you remedies — everything in moderation, as they say — until the next study inevitably overturns the research.

BEER: The newest bad kid on the block, beer has long been overshadowed by its healthier alcoholic cousins. While no one's suggesting you switch that glass of antioxidant-rich Pinot Noir for a tall glass of lager—there's still that beer gut to worry about—new research has suggested that moderate beer intake can actually improve cardiovascular function. Now if only a scientist will discover the health benefits of ballpark franks and chicken wings. Heaven.

ANGER: If you're one of those people who tends to bottle things up, only to explode ... don't hold it in so long. Studies show that bursts of anger here and there are good for the health, and can be an even more effective coping mechanism than becoming afraid, irritated or disgusted. Anger, like the consumables in this list, however, is best in moderation: stay angry for long periods of time and you'll be plagued with a host of health issues, like blood pressure, sleep disorders and lung damage.

COFFEE: Java is one of the most debated substances around. Is it good for you? Is it bad for you? Both? The consensus, now anyways, seems to favor those who enjoy their morning jolt—unrelated studies claim coffee is a major source of antioxidants in our diet and can help lower your risk of diabetes. Something in the beans is also thought to ease the onset of cirrhosis of the liver and pancreatitis, good news for those who like to party hard all night before their morning caffeine boost.

LSD: We're definitely not in the business of advocating drug use. But check out this interesting science: In heavy drinkers, small doses of LSD have been thought to help bypass the rock-bottom stage of alcoholism and prevent relapses. These studies—some decades old—were done in closely monitored, clinical settings; many patients haven't had a drink in the many years since. It's an interesting finding that needs a lot more investigation, and not a remedy that should ever be tried at home. Meantime—and this may come as no surprise—a recent study of 36 volunteers who took an LSD-like drug in a lab setting had them reporting mystical experiences and behavior changes that lasted for weeks.

SUNLIGHT: Exposure to the sun's rays is necessary to survive, but can also kill you in gross, cancerous quantities. Asthmatics, at least, could benefit from measured doses of ultraviolet rays, according to scientists. Sunlight suppressed the immune reactions that cause asthma in some lab studies with mice and could be used to treat humans afflicted with the disease in the future. And sunlight—even if indirect, such as on a shaded porch—is known to boost the mood. Extra sunlight can help office workers avoid afternoon drowsiness, a recent study found. There's still no excuse to head outside and bake, however.

MAGGOTS: They're creepy, slimy and altogether ooky, but maggots can save your life. These squirmy larvae are science's newest wonder-cure and were approved in 2003 as the Food & Drug Administration's only live medical device. Placed on serious wounds, maggots mimic their "wild" lifestyle and munch on bacteria and dead tissue, stimulating healing and helping to prevent infection.

MARIJUANA: It's medicinal, we swear! Marijuana, often associated with memory loss, is ironically now being hyped as a way to stave off the ultimate form of memory loss—Alzheimer's. Recent studies on mice suggest that anti-inflammatories found in the drug prevent the clumping of brain proteins, one major cause of the disease. So when should you start preventative therapy? We suggest waiting for the human studies to wrap up.

RED WINE: A crucial ingredient in the diets of the world's heart-healthiest populations—like those Bordeaux-guzzling French—red wine has long been known to have potent anti-cancer and artery-protecting benefits. The key, some studies indicate, is an antioxidant found specifically in the skin of red wine grapes, called resveratrol. The latest studies even link resveratrol to greater endurance, a reduction in gum disease and Alzheimer's. White wine, which is fermented after the skins are removed, is less beneficial according to some studies.

CHOCOLATE: Chocolate lovers rejoice: study after study lately has touted the magical benefits of the indulgent treat, which is packed with the antioxidant flavonols that prevent certain cancers and keep your arteries from clogging. The most recent news? These powerful chemicals may even increase blood flow to the brain, warding off dementia. Just stick to the highest cocoa content possible—the bars packed with sugar don't help your health one bit.

SEX: Scientists have found that the benefits of sex go beyond immediate, ahem, gratification and satisfying the goal of procreation. Besides the obvious evolutionary purposes, we can all take pleasure in the news that having sex is an easy way to reduce stress, lower cholesterol and improve circulation throughout the body. As if you needed another excuse.

Note from Antonia:
I have never taken any drugs other than when medically prescribed. I have never smoked anything. I therefore do not advocate marijuana or LSD but am simply re-publishing this article which arrived in my inbox. Oh and who said sex was a bad thing?

Blonde Joke

A blonde walked into a store to buy curtains.

She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those pink curtains to fit my computer screen.

The salesman mentioned, "Computers don't need curtains."

The blonde replied, "Hellooo…. I have windows!"

Why is it Good Friday?

Today is Good Friday, the day when we remember Christ being crucified. Why is Good Friday referred to as “good”? What the Jewish authorities and Romans did to Jesus was definitely not good (Matthew 26-27). However, the results of Christ’s death are very good.

The name may be derived from 'God's Friday' in the same way that good-bye is derived from 'God be with ye'. The simplest explanation is that the day is truly good because in Christ’s death, the barrier of sin between God and his people was broken through redemption by the death of Jesus Christ.

Other Names for Good Friday
The Anglo-Saxon name for Good Friday was Long Friday, due to the long fast imposed upon this day. The day is also known as Black Friday or Sorrowful Friday. In the Eastern orthodox Churches, it is known as the "Great Friday".

History of Good Friday
The Good Friday date is one of the oldest Christian holidays, with some sources saying that it has been observed since 100 AD. It was associated with fasting during the early years of its observance and was associated with the crucifixion around the 4th century AD.

A Public Holiday in Some Countries
Good Friday is a most holy day to remember Christ’s crucifixion before his rising from the dead on Easter Sunday. It is a public holiday in the UK, one of only two days when shops and businesses are closed, the other being Christmas Day. The same applies in Sweden, Denmark and Norway,

Good Friday is a public holiday in many countries with a strong Christian tradition ie Australia, Bermuda, Brazil, Canada, the Caribbean countries, Chile, Colombia, Costa Rica, Ecuador, Germany, Malta, Mexico, New Zealand, Peru, the Philippines, Mexico and Singapore. Also in 11 of the United States of America.

Ireland, a predominantly Catholic country, prohibits all alcohol from being sold on Good Friday. Banks and public institutions are closed but it is not an official bank/public holiday.

The Service of Darkness/Tenebrae
The Service of Darkness, known as the Tenebrae is celebrated in some Western Churches. During this ceremony the lights in the church are slowly dimmed marking the darkness that covered Earth upon Christ’s death. The Tenebrae ends with a loud noise known as the strepitus. This loud noise is used as a symbol to mark several sounds that are noted in scripture. They are: Jesus’ final cries, the earthquake at his death, the shutting of his tomb and the second earthquake when he rises from the dead. The purpose of the Service of Darkness is to recreate the betrayal, abandonment and agony of the events leading up to, and the death of, Christ.

As Jesus faced death literally, he needed God's help to save him from the world. Jesus' words from the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" echo the human experience of seeking a reality beyond death (Matthew 27:46).

For Christians, Good Friday is a time to be with Jesus in his time of suffering and wait with him in hope of God's promise, eternal life to all who believe. The "good" in Good Friday reflects the Christian hope of resurrection and new life in Jesus, foreshadowing Easter Sunday, when Christians believe that God resurrected Jesus from the dead.

Lutheran tradition
In the Lutheran Church from the 16th to 20th century, Good Friday was the most important holiday and abstention from all worldly works was expected. It was a prime day to receive the Eucharist but in the mid-20th century, this moved to Maundy Thursday.

Not on a Friday for All Churches
Baptist, Pentecostal and many non-denominational churches do not observe Good Friday, regarding it as a papist tradition, and observe the crucifixion on the Wednesday to coincide with the Jewish sacrifice of the Passover Lamb, the Lamb being Jesus for the Christians. A Wednesday crucifixion allowed Jesus to be in the tomb “for three days and three nights” (Matthew 12:40) rather than two nights if on a Friday. John’s Gospel gives Jesus’ death on Thursday.

Catholic Traditions on Good Friday
Good Friday is noted and celebrated in many different ways throughout the world. Catholics mark the day by attending church and reliving the fourteen Stations of the Cross although it is not a public holiday. The Stations of the Cross are areas throughout the church that show the events that took place leading up to, and including, Christ’s crucifixion, death and entombment. No mass is celebrated but churches are often draped in black eg in Belgium.

Another tradition is to venerate, or honour, the cross by kissing a crucifix. On Good Friday, the altar in the Catholic Church has no decorations and the candle, which always burns to note God’s presence, is unlit. This is the only day that God is considered not present in the church and the only day in the Catholic Church in which a mass is not celebrated.

The day is solemn and a general air of sadness is felt in many towns and villages. Many Christians in Poland fast on dry bread and roasted potatoes. Egg decorating is also part of the Easter preparations in Poland and many other countries.

In Spain, it is another solemn day, part of "Semana Santa" (Holy Week).

Hot Cross Buns
In many English-speaking countries, it is traditional to eat warm 'hot cross buns' on Good Friday. Hot Cross Buns with their combination of spicy, sweet and fruity flavours have long been an Easter tradition.



Delia Smith’s Hot Cross Bun recipe

Hot Cross Bun recipe and other Easter treats for children

The pastry cross on top of the buns symbolises the cross that Jesus was killed on.

Hot Cross Buns nursery rhyme c.1798
Hot cross buns! Hot cross buns!
One a penny two a penny - Hot cross buns
If you have no daughters, give them to your sons
One a penny two a penny - Hot cross buns

Hot Cross Bun Ceremony
At the London Pub, The Widow's Son, a Hot Cross Bun Ceremony takes place each Good Friday. In the early 19th century, a widow who lived on the site was expecting her sailor son back home for Easter and placed a hot cross bun ready for him on Good Friday. The son never returned, but undaunted the widow left the bun waiting for him and added a new bun each year. Successive landlords have kept the tradition going after the pub was opened.

It is traditional to eat fish on Good Friday instead of meat.

Cramp Rings
From the reign of Edward III to that of Mary Tudor, monarchs used to bless a plateful of gold and silver rings every Good Friday at the Chapel Royal, within St. James's Palace. By rubbing the rings between their fingers, the royal touch was believed to cure cramp and epilepsy. The custom was abolished during the reign of Elizabeth I.

Good Friday superstitions
There are a number of superstitions relating to Good Friday:

A child born on Good Friday and baptised on Easter Sunday has the gift of healing.

Many fishermen will not set out for catch on Good Friday.

Bread or cakes baked on this day will not go mouldy.

Eggs laid on Good Friday will never go bad.

The planting of crops is not advised on this day, as an old belief says that no iron should enter the ground (i.e. spade, fork etc.).

Hot cross buns baked on Good Friday were supposed to have magical powers. It is said that you could keep a hot cross bun which had been made on Good Friday for at least a year and it wouldn't go mouldy.

Hardened old hot cross buns are supposed to protect the house from fire

Sailors took hot cross buns to sea with them to prevent shipwreck.

A bun baked on Good Friday and left to get hard could be grated up and put in some warm milk to stop an upset tummy.

Having a hair cut on Good Friday will prevent toothaches the rest of the year.

No shedding of blood should take place and no work undertaken with hammer, nails or wood.

Try to arrange your affairs to die on Good Friday so that you are rewarded by going straight to heaven without spending any time in Purgatory.

Finally, there is a British superstition that laundry should never be washed on Good Friday, based on a folk legend that a washerwoman mocked Christ on his way to the crucifixion by either throwing dirty water over him or hitting him in the face with wet laundry.

Brain Foods for Memory

Here's the scoop on brain foods. Like you, I've always heard that certain brain foods can help you think better and improve memory. There are several types of foods that can protect your brain, improve how well it works and even build new brain cells.

First, let me clear up a common myth: yes, you can grow new brain cells as an adult! The myth that your brain stops growing is false. Lots of new research proves that your neurons (brain cells) can put out new branches and make new connections no matter what your age.

Of course, all cells need nutrients to grow. So including brain foods in your diet gives your brain the building blocks it needs. More neurons and connections in your brain equals a stronger memory and a mind that simply works better.

1. Healthy Fats - Build Your Brain

Much of a brain cell's structure is made up of what are called "healthy fats". The most important of these are the Omega-3 fatty acids. As your brain repairs itself and grows new neurons, it needs an abundant supply of Omega-3s from your diet.

The best sources of Omega-3 fats include cold-water fish such as salmon and albacore tuna. Other foods with Omega-3 are canola oil, soybeans, walnuts, wheatgerm, eggs, and flaxseed oil.

Recent studies have shown that Omega-3 vitamins can greatly improve memory and attention in some people.

2. Antioxidants - Protect Your Brain

As we age, substances in our bloodstream known as "free radicals" attack and break down our brain cells. If you don't fight this, you are likely to experience age-related memory loss when you get older.

Fortunately, there are a lot of foods that contain a helpful substance called "antioxidants". These antioxidants merge with the free radicals in your blood and make them harmless. So it pays to eat lots of antioxidant foods every day.

Good sources of antioxidants include tea (especially green tea), blueberries and other berries, red grapes, tomatoes, broccoli, garlic, spinach, carrots, whole grains and soy.

3. High-Tyrosine Proteins - Spark Your Brain

Besides neurons, your brain also includes important chemicals called "neurotransmitters". Neurotransmitters are the messengers that carry brain signals from one neuron to the next. You may have a great brain structure, but if your supply of the different neurotransmitters is insufficient your brain won't function properly.

Some components of neurotransmitters, such as tryptophan, can't be made within the body but must be consumed directly from your diet. Others such as tyrosine can be made by the body but still require the right foods in your diet.

The best neurotransmitter-building foods for boosting alertness, energy, and concentration include seafood, meat, eggs, soy and dairy products.

4. Water - Hydrate Your Brain

As you probably know, most of your body is water. It is very easy to not consume enough water and become dehydrated. Being even slightly dehydrated decreases your mental energy and can impair your memory.

Drink at least three or four liters of water a day. I like to carry around a one-liter bottle and just fill it up whenever I pass a water fountain.

5. Vitamins & Minerals - Brain Building Blocks

Certain vitamins and minerals are also important building blocks for your brain. You definitely want to avoid any kind of vitamin deficiency. The best way to do so is to supplement with vitamin and mineral tablets.

The most important for brain function are Vitamins C, B12, and B6. So take a Vitamin C supplement daily and consider taking a B Complex vitamin along with it.

Some important minerals for brain building include Iron (for women, especially) and Calcium. Deficiencies of either of these have been shown to impair learning.

An easy way to get most of your most important vitamins and minerals is to simply take a multivitamin each day. Also consider a fish oil capsule (for Omega-3 fatty acids), a 1,000 mg Vitamin C tablet and a B Complex vitamin.

Make sure you always take your vitamins with food and not on an empty stomach. Not only will you avoid a stomach ache, but vitamins and minerals need to combine with food in your digestive system or they will be to a large degree wasted.

6. Fiber - Regulate Your Fuel Supply

Fiber is a suprising brain food, but an important one. Okay, fine, it's not really a "food". But fiber does help your brain function at its best. The reason is that fiber helps slow the absorption of sugar from your diet.

Your brain operates 100% on sugar. But the trick is that the sugar must be delivered in a very steady stream and in the proper amount or your brain gets overwhelmed. Eating enough fiber slows your digestion and results in the sugar in your food being delivered into your bloodstream gradually.

Foods containing healthy amounts of fiber include dried fruits (such as raisins, dates, prunes, and apricots), vegetables (such as green peas, broccoli, and spinach), peas and beans (such as black-eyed peas, lima beans, and kidney beans), nuts and seeds (such as flaxseed and almonds), whole fruit (such as apples with the skin, oranges, avocados, kiwi, and pears), and whole wheat grains (such as barley, brown rice, and the various whole wheat pastas and cereals).

---

So there you have it. To keep your brain healthy and your memory at its best, simply start eating foods from all of these groups on a regular basis.

Slowly replace the high-sugar, high-fat foods in your diet with these healthy brain foods. Not only will your brain and memory benefit, but your body will, too. I guarantee you will notice a difference!

Source: http://www.memory-improvement-tips.com/brain-foods.html

The Samurai Asks the Zen Monk for Advice

From Paulo Coelho's blog:

A Samurai who was known for his nobility and honesty, went to visit a Zen monk to ask him for his advice. When the monk had finished his prayers, the Samurai asked,
"Why do I feel so inferior? I have faced death many times, have defended those who are weak. Nevertheless, upon seeing you meditating, I felt that my life had absolutely no importance whatsoever."

"Wait. Once I have attended to all those who come to see me today, I shall answer you."

The samurai spent the whole day sitting in the temple gardens, watching the people go in and out in search of advice. He saw how the monk received them all with the same patience and the same illuminated smile on his face.

At nightfall, when everyone had gone, he demanded, "Now can you teach me?"

The master invited him in and lead him to his room. The full moon shone in the sky, and the atmosphere was one of profound tranquility.
"Do you see the moon, how beautiful it is? It will cross the entire firmament, and tomorrow the sun will shine once again. But sunlight is much brighter, and can show the details of the landscape around us: trees, mountains, clouds. I have contemplated the two for years, and have never heard the moon say: why do I not shine like the sun? Is it because I am inferior?"

"Of course not", answered the samurai, "the moon and the sun are different things, each has its own beauty. You cannot compare the two."

"So you know the answer. We are two different people, each fighting in his own way for that which he believes, and making it possible to make the world a better javascript:void(0)place; the rest are mere appearances."

A Rhyme To Remember English Monarchs

These are little rhymes to try to fix historical dates in one’s mind. They make no pretence to poetry. They are purely practical. They are mainly in sequence of date, and are mostly concerned with English/British history.

English / British Historical Doggerel by Dr. Donald Stevens


The Celts were first, the Romans next,
The Saxons then by Danes were vexed.
Then Danes not long, then Normans came,
But England kept its Saxon name.

-- o0o --

King Will-i-am of Normandy,
The sons he had were only three,
Robert, Red William, and Henry One,
Came Henry Two when they were done.
Robert, he stayed in Normandy,
And never England’s King was he.

-- o0o --

In the Forest that’s New
Rufus the King, someone slew
(We don’t know who);
In one and one and nought and nought,
And Henry One to the throne was brought.

-- o0o --

(William Rufus, the Red William in the preceding rhyme,
shot by an arrow in the New Forest, in 1100.)

-- o0o --

In ten ninety-nine, Crusaders go,
Godfrey of Bouillon at the head of them,
To attack and vanquish every foe
And take by force Jerusalem.

-- o0o --

Eleven hundred and thirty-five,
Henry One is not alive.
Stephen says that he is King.
Matilda says another thing;
“If nephew Stephen had never been,”
Said she, “Then I would be the Queen.”
As both of them felt rather sore,
They decided to have a Civil War.

-- o0o --

(Stephen was the nephew of Henry I)

-- o0o --

Eleven hundred and fifty-four,
Stephen the King, he was no more,
When he was definitely dead,
Henry the Second was King instead.

-- o0o --

Hen. Two wedded Eleanor of Aquitaine,
By this the half of France to gain.

-- o0o --

(Hen. = Henry, of course)

-- o0o --

Richard, the King with the Lion’s Heart,
Decided quite early to depart
To fight the Muslims and conquer them,
And so retake Jerusalem.

-- o0o --

John, son of Henry and Eleanor,
Was disliked by the Pope and many more;
The Magna Carta in twelve fifteen,
Because the Barons were very keen,
Was signed reluctantly by John
The Island of Runnymede upon.

-- o0o --

Ned One was good, Ned Two was not,
Ned Three found he a war had got
A war with France that lasted near
A hundred year.

-- o0o --

(The three Edwards & The Hundred Years’ War)

-- o0o --

Lancaster’s Rose was red,
The Rose of York was white,
Because they couldn’t agree on the colour,
They both decided to fight.

-- o0o --

In one and four and eight and five
Henry Tudor (whose rose was red)
Won at Bosworth, and stayed alive
When Richard of York was certainly dead.

-- o0o --

Two Henrys, followed by poor little Ned,
The Mary and Liz when Ned was dead.

-- o0o --

The Tudors: Henry VII, Henry VIII, Edward VI,
Mary, Elizabeth)

-- o0o --

In fourteen hundred and ninety-two,
Columbus sailed the ocean blue,
He sailed to America from Spain
And then, of course, sailed back again,
And Ferdinand and Isabella
Thought he was a splendid fella.

-- o0o --

Philip the Second of Spain
Caused a lot of pain
By the imposition
Of the Inquisition.

-- o0o --

In fifteen hundred and eighty-eight
The Spanish Armada met its fate.

-- o0o --

Great Liz had neither daughter nor won,
So cousin James from Scotland came,
And a new dynasty was begun,
The Stuarts was its name.

-- o0o --

In one and six and one and one,
The Authorised Version at last was done.
(1611)

-- o0o --

In sixteen hundred and five
All in Parliament alive
Were hoped by rebels soon to die
By being blown into the sky.
(The Gunpowder Plot)

-- o0o --

Jas. and Chas., then Noll and Dick,
Then Chas. and Jas., and Bill came quick.
(James I, Charles I, Oliver Cromwell, Richard Cromwell,
Charles II, James II, who lasted only three years, and was
replaced by William of Orange from Holland)

-- o0o --

James the Second was Charlie Two’s brother,
Because, of course, they had the same mother.
(Henrietta Maria, wife of Charles I)

-- o0o --

Two years when deaths were rather higher:
Sixty-five Plague and Sixty-Six Fire.
(1665, 1666)

-- o0o --

It begins with W and ends with M,
And England was ruled by both of them.
(WilliaM: W = William; M = Mary)

-- o0o --

When the eighteenth century began,
We had a Queen whose name was Anne
She began her reign with Number Two,
But by Fourteen, her reign was through,
And Cousin George came quickly over
From Hanover.
(Anne: 1702-1714)

-- o0o --

Frederick really should have been King.
But he was killed by a silly thing,
Down he went in a fatal fall
Hit on the head by a cricket ball.
So it was that George number Three
Became the King instead of he.

-- o0o --
Source: Homeschool

Shit Happens

Have you seen this poster? It is available from Amazon for £4.99: Humour Posters: Shit Happens - Quotes - 91x61cm









Humour Poster: A funny take on the famous saying 'Shit Happens'; an insiders view on how various religions and ideologies approach the saying; some samples: (1) Protestantism: "Shit happens; Amen to that." (2) Agnosticism: "Can you prove that shit happens." (3) Jehovah's Witness: "Knock, knock, shit happens."

EVERYBODY KNOWS...SHIT HAPPENS

TAOISM - "if you understand shit, it isn't shit"
HINDUISM - "this shit happened before"
CONFUCIANISM - "Confucious say 'shit happens'"
BUDDHISM - "shit will happen to you again"
ZEN - "what is the sound of shit happening?"
ISLAM - "if shit happens, it is the will of Allah"
SIKHISM - "leave our shit alone"
JEHOVA'S WITNESS - "knock. knock. shit happens"
ATHEISM - "i don't believe this shit"
AGNOSTICISM - "can you prove that shit happpens?"
CATHOLICISM - "if shit happens, you deserve it"
PROTESTANTISM - "shit happens, amen to that"
JUDAISM - "why does shit always happen to us?"
ORTHODOX JUDAISM - "so shit happens, already"
TELEVANGELISM - "send money or shit will happen to you"
RASTAFARIANISM - "let's smoke this shit"
HARE KRISHNA - "shit happens rama rama"
NATION OF ISLAM - "don't take no shit"
NEW AGE - "visualize shit happening"
SHINTOISM - "you inherit shit of your ancestors"
HEDONISM - "i love it when shit happens"
SATANISM - "sneppah tihs"
CAPITALISM - "this is MY shit"
FEMINISM - "men are shit"
EXISTENTIALISM - "what is shit, anyway?"
SCIENTOLOGY - "if shit happens, see Dianetics p.137"
MORMONISM - "excrement happens" (don't say shit)
BAPTISM - "we'll wash the shit right off you"
MYSTICISM - "this is really weird shit"
VOODOO - "shit doesn't just happen - we made it happen"
DISNEYISM - "bad shit doesn't happen here"
COMMUNISM - "let's share the shit"
MARXISM - "you have nothing to lose but your shit"
CONSPIRACY THEORISM - "THEY shit on us!"
PSYCHO-ANALYSIS - "tell me about your shit"
DARWINISM - "survival of the shittiest"
AMISH - "modern shit is useless"
SUICIDAL - "i've had enough of this shit"
OPTIMISM - "shit won't happen to me"
TREKISM - "to boldly shit where no-one has shat before"
SHAKESPEAREAN - "to shit or not to shit, that is the question"
DESCARTES - "i shit, therefore i am"
FREUD - "shit is a phallic symbol"
LAWYERS - "for enough money, I can get you out of shit"
ACUPUNCTURIST - "hold still or this shit's gonna hurt"
DOG - "i just shit in your shoe"
CAT - "dogs are shit"
MOUSE - "oh shit! a cat!"
POLITICALLY CORRECT - "internally processed,
nutritionally drained, biological output happens"
EINSTEIN - "shit is relative"
FAMILY GATHERING - "relatives are shit"
MATERIALISM - "whoever dies with the most shit, wins"
VEGETARIANISM - "if it shits, don't eat it"
FATALISM - "oh shit, it's going to happen"
ENVIRONMENTALISM - "shit is biodegradable"
AMERICANISM - "who gives a shit?"
STATISTICIAN - "shit is 84.7% likely to happen"
HIP-HOP - "motherfuck this shiznit, beeatch!"
TANTRISM - "fuck this shit"
CYNICISM - "we are all full of shit"
SURREALISM - "fish happens"
WICCA - "you can make shit happen but shit will happen to you three times"

How To Start a Conversation

This is a great article. What do you think about the advice?

http://www.wikihow.com/Start-a-Conversation-When-You-Have-Nothing-to-Talk-About

Key Points
1. Begin by introducing yourself.
2. Be aware of your internal monologue.
3. Understand the secret to a good conversation.
4. Know how to ask an open question.
5. Put the location comment together with the open question and your conversation will be underway.
6. Know the stuff of small talk.
7. Use words of a sensory nature.
8. Synchronize.
9. Respond thoughtfully to someone who remains awkward or uncomfortable in your presence.
10. Maintain the equilibrium.
11. Practice getting conversations started.

Tips
• Speak with clarity and purpose. If you're mumbling, it makes conversing a lot harder.
• Reflect before speaking if it's your turn to talk and allow silence to also have its rightful place in your conversation. Don't be afraid of pauses – use them to change topics, re-energize the conversation, or to take a short breather even.
• Relax. Chances are that whatever small-talk you're making isn't going to stick out in anyone's mind a few months from now. Just say whatever comes into your head, so long as it's not offensive or really weird (unless, of course, the person you're attempting to converse with is into weird stuff).
• If you think of something in your head while you're talking, it's probably related.
• It will help if you watch some TV, listen to radio shows, and/or read a lot – newspapers, magazines, and/or books. Doing this will ensure that you have some idea of what's going on in the world.
• Remember and plan to share anything you like, think is funny, or find intriguing. This is a way of building up your own inner library of things that might be helpful to another person during a conversation someday. It can be amazing how you thread these interesting things when you least expect it, and make conversation an adventure instead of a dreadful task. If you take it to the next step and say things that you want the person to think of as adding value, and keep to yourself things that the person might not, you're actually honing your own personality to be appealing to the other person, and what is a greater act of kindness than that?
• If you're shy, it is helpful to have thought about a topic or two in advance that you feel comfortable talking about.
• A great entry into starting a conversation, especially for a guy approaching a girl, is to mention you can only talk briefly as you're meeting up with other friends. This relieves the girl of any fear of being uncomfortably stuck with someone she does not know, and gives you both an easy out if things don't progress well. If the conversation does progress well, you can always delay leaving your new friend for as long as you like. Remember not to overdo it, because she might think that you don't want to talk to her, but prefer to be with your friends.
• Follow the lead that your listener is expressing. If he or she appears interested, then continue. If he or she is looking at a clock or watch, or worse, looking for an escape strategy, then you've been going on for too long.
• Interesting and funny quotes or facts can lighten things up, and make way for things to talk about. You could also use a set of conversation starter question cards for inspiration.
• If talking over the phone, keep the person involved in the conversation at all costs. If you can't come up with a good topic, try the "questions" game. Just keep asking them questions; random questions work just fine as long as they are appropriate. This technique can save a phone conversation. The questions should be open ended questions that do not require a yes or no answer. For example "How do you know the hosts?" This way you can ask questions about what they just said or follow up with how you know the hosts (for example) instead of acting as if the conversation is an interrogation.
• Half of an effective conversation is the way you non-verbally communicate, and not necessarily what you say. Practice better non-verbal skills that are friendly and confident.
• Take a mental note of some amusing things that you saw or heard througout the day. For example, something funny someone said, a fun activity you did with your friends, or anything interesting. This can give way to future conversation.
• Watch some stand-up comedians or comedy shows to get an idea of how to start a conversation humorously. Usually, the leads you find will be funny, and you will not need much in common to talk about them.
• Remember, whoever you are talking to, you always have something in common. We all experience the weather, like good food, and enjoy a good laugh. When in doubt, just talk to them about what they are there for. For example, if you meet them at a bus stop, ask them where they are going. If they are from out of town, ask them about their life at home.

How To Add Google Gadgets To Your Blog

Thanks for this helpful "How to" tutorial:

Homer Simpson Quotes

• Operator! Give me the number for 911!

• Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

• Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

• Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

• I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

• Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

• Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.

• Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'

• Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

• Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

• You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

• Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

• When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

• Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

• I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

• [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

• What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

• Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

• Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

• The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

• When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

• I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

• Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

• I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

• Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

• It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

• Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

• I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

• Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.

• Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.

• Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

• How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

• Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

• Homer no function beer well without.

• I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

• Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

• If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

• I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.

• I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

• [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'

• All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.

• Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

• But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

• I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.

• Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.

• That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

• Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

• If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing.

• I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

• 'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?

Homer's words, not mine, but some are funny.

How Louise L Hay Healed Her Cervical Cancer

A client came to me for hypnosis to help her relax and release anxiety. She has advanced cervical cancer so I started looking into how mind therapy can assist in the healing of cancer. I found Louise L Hay's own story:

Out of the work I was doing, I was inspired to put together the little book "Heal Your Body", which began as a simple list of metaphysical causations for physical illnesses in the body. I began to lecture and travel and hold small classes.

Then one day I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. With my background of being raped at five and having been a battered child, it was no wonder I manifested cancer in the Vaginal area.

Like anyone else who's just been told they have cancer, I went into total panic. Yet because of all my work with clients, I knew that mental healing worked, and here I was being given a chance to prove it to myself. After all, I'd written the book on mental patterns, and I knew that cancer was a dis-ease of deep resentment that has been held for a long time until it literally eats away at the body. I had been refusing to be willing to dissolve all the anger and resentment at “them” over my childhood. There was no time to waste; I had a lot of work to do.

The word incurable, which is so frightening to so many people, means to me that this particular condition cannot be cured by any outer means and that we must go within to find a cure. If I had an operation to get rid of the cancer and didn't clear the mental pattern that created it, then the doctors would just keep cutting Louise until there was no more Louise to cut. I didn't like that idea.

If I had the operation to remove the cancerous growth and also cleared the mental pattern that was causing the cancer, then it wouldn't return. If cancer or any other illness returns, I don't believe that it's because they didn't “get it all out”, but rather that the patient has made no mental change. He or she just re-creates the same illness, perhaps in a different part of the body.

I also believed that if I could clear the mental pattern that created this cancer, then I wouldn't even need the operation. So I bargained for time, and the doctors grudgingly gave me three months when I said I didn't have the money.

I immediately took responsibility for my own healing. I read and investigated everything I could find on alternative ways to assist my healing process. I went to several health-food stores and bought every book they had on the subject of cancer. I went to the library and did more reading. I checked out foot reflexology and colon therapy and thought they would both be beneficial to me. I seemed to be led to exactly the right people. After reading about foot reflexology, I wanted to find a practitioner. I attended a lecture, and while I usually sat in the front row, this night I was compelled to sit in the back. Within a minute, a man came and sat beside me--and guess what? He was a foot reflexologist who made house calls. He came to my home three times a week for two months and was a great help.

I knew I also had to love myself a great deal more than I had been. There had been little love expressed in my childhood, and no one had made it okay for me to feel good about myself. I had adopted “their” attitudes of continually picking on and criticizing me, which had become second nature.

I'd come to the realization through my work with the church that it was okay and even essential for me to love and approve of myself. Yet I kept putting it off--much like the diet you'll always start tomorrow. But I could no longer postpone it. At first it was very difficult for me to do things like stand in front of a mirror and say things like, “Louise, I love you. I really love you.” However, as I persisted, I found that several situations came up in my life where in the past I would have berated myself, and now, because of the mirror exercise and other work, I wasn't doing so. I was making some progress.

I knew I had to clear the patterns of resentment that I'd been holding since childhood. It was imperative for me to let go of the blame.

Yes, I'd had a very difficult childhood with a lot of abuse--mental, physical, and sexual. But that was many years ago, and it was no excuse for the way I was treating myself now. I was literally eating my body with cancerous growth because I hadn't forgiven. It was time for me to go beyond the incidents themselves and to begin to understand what types of experiences could have created people who would treat a child that way.

With the help of a good therapist, I expressed all the old, bottled-up anger by beating pillows and howling with rage. This made me feel cleaner. Then I began to piece together the scraps of stories my parents had told me about their own childhoods. I started to see a larger picture of their lives. With my growing understanding, and from an adult viewpoint, I began to feel compassion for their pain, and the blame slowly began to dissolve.

In addition, I hunted for a good nutritionist to help me cleanse and detoxify my body from all the junky foods I'd eaten over the years. I learned that junky foods accumulate and create a toxic body. Junky thoughts accumulate and create toxic conditions in the mind. I was given a very strict diet with lots of green vegetables and not much else. I even had colonics three times a week for the first month.
I did not have an operation; however, as a result of all the thorough mental and physical cleansing, six months after my diagnosis I was able to get the medical profession to agree with what I already knew--that I no longer had even a trace of cancer! Now I was able to affirm from personal experience that dis-ease can be healed if we are willing to change the way we think, believe, and act!

Sometimes what seems to be a tragedy turns out to become the greatest good in our lives. I learned so much from that experience, and I came to value life in a new way. I began to look at what was really important to me,

Anger, resentment, unhealthy sexual experiences, junk food - all factors Louise identified as possible causes of the dis-ease in her body which led to cancer.

Her little blue book "Heal Your Life" is an essential addition to anyone's bookshelf. She has also made a CD on "Cancer: Discover Your Amazing Healing Power". She recommends you listen to it every day for 30 days.

Find Louise L Hay's books and CDs at Amazon.co.uk



Read Louise L Hay's full story

When God Created Man

When God created man
he promised women
that good and ideal men
could be found in all corners of the world.


And then.......


...he made the earth round.

To Be 6 Again

To Be 6 AGain...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the ScreamingRoller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.


SEND THIS TO ALL THE MEN & WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH

Odd Eggs

We have three chickens, one of whom has laid four double-yokers in the two months she has been here.



The other day we found an egg without a shell. We were worried one of the chickens might be sick so I looked for advice and found that sometimes eggs come out as various oddities but there is rarely cause for concern.



Go to Poultry Help for info on double yokers, no yolk, egg within an egg, no shell, odd-shaped eggs, eggs with a tail and more.