England exit Euro 2008

Well people are certainly passionate about English football. As Bill Shankly said, "Football is not a matter of life and death. It's more important than that."
McLaren is a nobody who was trained by Sven and that should have set warning bells ringing. I blame the FA for appointing him when the choice was obviously made because preferred choices said no.

Sven played a disasterous 4-5-1 with Rooney on his own which cost us the World Cup. What made McLaren think it would work with talented but non-speedy Crouchie on his own? Where was support on the left? Look at the film. Time and time again, there was no one on the left.

Yes, he was unlucky with injuries but England failed to qualify over 12 games, not just 1.

Choosing a new inexperienced goalie? Please. My 9 year old could have done better. This was no time to drop experienced Robinson. All credit to Scott Carson for trying and pulling off two very good saves but the pressure of the night was too much to ask.

The injured Owen and other first choices should not have played in the Austria friendly. Friendlies are designed to test new players. Owen and Crouch together up front would have been formidable.

Frank Lampard should have been dropped ages ago. I could not believe he was selected to take the penalty but thankfully he did not miss - this time.

Why was Wembley's roof not closed to keep out the rain? Taking the financial and sacreligious decision to play American Football on the hallowed turf certainly backfired. I do not know how much the FA earned from that game, but they will now lose plenty more from England failing to qualify. The UK economy in general will suffer.

I fail to see why El Tel (aka Terry Venables) should be chopped. Surely he never supported McLaren's decisions? I thought they should consider him for Head Coach - again. Mourinho, Scolari, O'Neill are all excellent choices but still foreigners and the FA are talking about making the English football game English again.

Here is my suggestion - Vinnie Jones. He would lick the boys into shape and cut down some egos. Did you see him in "Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels"? (Oh, I have just been told he is Welsh).

PS When Peter Crouch starts a game, he often scores. When he is brought on as sub, he doesn't. When will the England coach and Rafa Benitez notice that link? At least he was our hero briefly.

More comments on sky.com

My Domain Names for Sale

I have a couple of domain names for sale:

www.loseweightnow.be
www.bestinfo4life.com

so I checked on ebay to see whether they offer such items and of course they do. Some start at just 99pence whilst others run into thousands of pounds.

One is being very optimistic
www.milliondollarnewpage.com is for sale. The price is a cool 8 million pounds...yes, £8,000,000

We can all live in hope.

If you are interested in either of my domain names at a very reasonable price, just send me a comment with your email address.

Men at Work

I could not resist posting this one.

What's So Wrong With TV?

I am fed up with people decrying TV as a bad thing to be avoided.

What is wrong with TV? I watch wonderful documentary programmes on history, art, travel, National Geographic programs on animals, natural wonders, building megastructures and biographies to learn about other people's lives.

My husband also watches programmes on cars which he enjoys. It is better than wasting thousands of pounds buying them and polluting the atmosphere more.

We watch all sorts of films to amuse us, challenge us or just entertain. It is healthy to laugh at comedy and much British TV comedy is excellent.

Our children watch their favourite characters then play with those toys and recreate stories. My son has even created his own Doctor Who site http://www.squidoo.com/asj_doctorwho/

We watch intelligent quizzes like Stephen Fry's "QI", topical satire like "Have I Got News for You?" and learn new facts. We watch channels in other languages.

We watch football matches if England or Liverpool are playing, rugby if South Africa or England are playing.

We never watch soaps, limit watching the news, do not buy from TV shopping nor watch anything which is an insult to our intelligence.

We also read books, including personal development, novels and non-fiction. I do SuDoku and brain training. We all play chess, in fact our 9 year old wants to be world chess champion. He watched a fascinating programme on a female grand master which inspired him. We play family board games, read with the children, go on country walks, visit interesting places, art galleries and museums.

Oh, and I watch many programmes which stimulate ideas and discussions for blog postings on my 10 different blogs and 11 Squidoos.

Don't Take Your Man Shopping If He Doesn't Want to Go

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........

After Mr. And Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs.Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men - he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women - she loved to browse.

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
"Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department ..
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the
clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,yelled
"PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least.
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards, Wal Mart

Wanda Jenkins
"Blessed Are The Cracked, For It Is They Who Let In The Light"

Jokes

I was told these were Tommy Cooper's jokes but I cannot say that for sure.

1. Two blondes walk into a building....you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off."
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft,it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Stick Your Chewing Gum Here

I saw this board adjacent to a traffic light crossing in Kingston-upon-Thames, Surrey. What a good idea!

Absolutely Priceless re House Title

Part of rebuilding New Orleans causes residents to often be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich in history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client that is absolutely priceless.

You've got to love this lawyer and it is good enough to share.

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):

'Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to
1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.'

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

'Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her
jewels to finance Columbus's expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA.

I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?'

The loan was approved.

Source: received in an email

Laughter Videos on-line

A new page of comedy videos has been added to the Laughtershare website and there is a huge selection of free gifts at the bottom of the page.

The free gifts include hundreds of ebooks, MP3 tracks, product samples and vouchers (the last two are US only). To collect your gift simply visit the link below:

Click here for Laughtershare

Another Death from a Brain Tumour

I have just heard that Sarah Wattyn, daughter of a work acquaintance Christian Vermeire, died from a brain tumour on 6 November. She was just 26. Christian had sought help from every neurosurgeon in Belgium then found someone in Munich who said he might be able to help. A fund raising benefit was organised but it was all too late.

I have had two brain tumours removed, each time saved by a life-threatening operation.

My heart goes out to Christian and his family.

Book Recommendation - "Stars and Bars"

I just read a fun book by William Boyd called "Stars and Bars". It is the story of Henderson Dores, an English art historian who has been transferred to a Manhattan auctioneers. He is still feeling out of place in America and desperately wants to make his mark. His chance arises with the prospect of the sale of a private art collection. All he has to do is pop down to Georgia and make arrangements.

Is it that simple and straightforward?

The book is very funny and you must feel sympathy for Henderson who is only trying to do his job despite most unusual circumstances.

ISBN 0-14-007596-8

Russell Watson

As someone who has had two brain tumours removed, I was very sorry to hear that the classical tenor Russell Watson is in hospital after an emergency operation to removed a benign brain tumour. He is "in good spirits" after the five-hour operation. The tumour was pressing on his optical nerve and would "almost certainly" have ruined his sight had it been left any longer. He had been developing severe headaches and impaired vision.

The tumour, called a pituitary adenoma, was removed through Watson's nose. "They had to be very careful the way they did it, because of his vocal cords, we had to ensure that there'd be no damage," said his spokeswoman.

"Russell wishes to pay his sincere thanks and appreciation to the entire medical team at St George's Hospital who successfully carried out the operation," she said.
"He is obviously very relieved that the operation has been a success and is in good spirits. He is now resting and we are told by the doctor he will make a complete recovery," she added.

Russell Watson is one of my favourite singers.
Russell Watson on amazon

Some One-liner Jokes

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, "That's Aboriginal."

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."

I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I went to the local video shop and I said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?" He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"

Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best Before End'

I went to buy a watch and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

I was reading this book today, "The History of Glue". I couldn't put it down.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.

The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is for the custard."

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

I phoned the local builders today. I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?" He replied, "I'm not stopping you!"

This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said "Eurostar". I said "Well, I've been on telly but I'm no Robbie Williams.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

Speaking the Queen's English

Speaking English with accents, dialects, dropping the 'h' and 't' all seem to be the norm these days - unfortunately.

I do not claim to speak with a plum in my mouth, far from it, but I do appreciate English spoken well. Poshly, some would say.

I was therefore amused to see the elocution lessons on this year's Big Brother. The housemates had to read lists of words, many of which are of French origin eg.
Chablis, dauphinois, croquet, canapés, rendez-vous, au pair, faux pas, cloche and some names which are not obvious eg Shrewsbury, Waldegrave, Fenwich, Chomlendely, Bicester, Leicester, St John, Cockburn and Featherstonhaugh.

They also had to practice their 'h's in:
"In Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly happen" and the old favourite,
"The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plane".

It is not very PC to say so but I am all for it.

IQ Test On-line

I was invited to take an IQ test online when I was on Facebook. Here are the results:

"Your IQ score is 124.
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Visual Mathematician. This means you are gifted at spotting patterns — both in pictures and in numbers. These talents combined with your overall high intelligence make you good at understanding the big picture, which is why people trust your instincts and turn to you for direction — especially in the workplace."

I then had the option to download a full 15 page report and a 7 days trial membership with tests such as The Brain Test, The Career Makeover, Is Your Coworker Crazy?, The Social Networking Test and What's Your Summer Dream Job?

It's all a bit of fun.

You can take the tests here.